Who Is ****?

This is a giving time of year and I'm feeling generous.

To: You
From: Me
A present:
****'s identity

First name only. If you went to school with me, you should know (or be able to find out with relative ease) his last name. If you didn't go to school with me, well, you missed out on a fabulous education. No, that's not it. What I mean to say is, if you didn't go to school with me, the last name isn't important.

Remember how little Audra likes games? Here's a game for you. I've spelled out his name in the comments section of six blog posts. Click each of the words linked below for clues. This shouldn't be terribly difficult, but good luck!

Click Here To Reveal The Answer  

*  *  *  *

*  *  *  *

CONGRATULATIONS! You've solved one of life's most insignificant mysteries. What's that? Still not satisfied? You need a face to go along with that name? So demanding... Fine.

Click Here To See Pictures of ****

Do you know what happened to this guy? After reading about my multi-year crush, I'm curious to know. He was in my freshman high school yearbook, but I couldn't find him in the others. He shunned me in junior high so, yeah, we didn't keep in touch.

Now that you have a face and a name, who's going to read through the entire diary again from the beginning? 

A Poem By Audra - March 20, 1992

No more diary entries, but I hope this bonus material will help ease your pain.

My aunt was over at my grandma's house and found a poem I wrote March 20, 1992. It's called "I Wonder"

The original

I wonder why people die,
I wonder why people lie.
I wonder why cats meow,
I wonder why food's called chow.


I wonder why I was born,
I wonder why goats have horns.
I wonder why kids like pets,
I wonder why we make horse bets.


I wonder why the sky is blue
I wonder why moms make stew.
I wonder why dogs bark
I wonder why the night is dark


I'm not afraid of thunder,
I'm not afraid to talk,
It's just I like to wonder,
why people have to walk.


By Audra S age 10 March 20, 1992

This doesn't appear to be an assignment, as there is no grade on it and I signed my name at the bottom (not the top). But I'm not sure it was a totally spontaneous expression of my thoughts. Maybe my grandma commissioned a poem? By the way, who in my life was making horse bets? No one. Where did that come from? I wonder...

My poetry skills never really improved much. I still like a simple rhyme scheme. Animals are often mentioned, despite not being that fond of animals. I'm still lazy and don't care if a line, stanza, or entire poem makes much sense or not. It's my poem. You can't tell me what to do.

But wait. That's not all!

This song is dedicated to little Audra:



It was fun collaborating with my 10-year-old self.

Click here to hear more of my shitty poems set to music. (Note: These songs have nothing to do with this diary and were written by me as an adult. Sad but true.)

She's A Fat Assed Bitch - July 14, 1993

Day: Wednesday  Date: 7-14-93 

Jenny [last name] is a fat assed bitch! I'm not going to write about that though. Monday Gerald took me to his house to pick up Lyndon. I had to change gears and I didn't know what in the hell I was doing! We went into Town and Country. The manager asked Gerald a question. It was "who's that little girl that always comes in here with you each morning?" He told her "she's my wife and we're from Georgia." From Town and Country we picked up Barb. From there we went back to the club. Yesterday and Today me, Ricky, Billy, Greg, Andy and some other people played Black Jack. It's fun. It's about 10:00 PM. Gotta Go!
BYE!


Audra N S I
age 11, 10 months 27 days  9:56.43
going into 7th grade at Bridger Jr. 
high  Brown eyes  Brown hair
lost a tooth

Little Audra liked to tease. How can you open with something like that and then offer no follow up?!  Jenny was a girl I knew from the Boys and Girls Club summer program. I don't think she even lived in the same city as me. And I don't think I ever saw her again after this summer. Oh well. Who needs another fat assed bitch in their life? Not me.

I learned a lot of things at the Boys and Girls Club. Gambling was one such thing.

I love the conversation at the gas station about me being Gerald's wife. Gerald was black. I was white. Gerald was an adult male. I was a little girl. I guess the manager at Town and Country had a problem with our relationship. News flash: Friendship can transcend age and skin color. Way to stick it to her, Gerald!

Our friendship was perhaps unconventional, but not inappropriate. Get over yourself, lady.

And that, my friends, is the last entry I wrote in the Snoopy diary. Thanks for reading. It's been real.

This is me saying, "Later,"

Audra N. S. I.
Age 30
Unemployed
Brown eyes  Brown hair
Have all my teeth

p.s. I deleted the three paragraphs of reflections about this "journey" and what I "learned about myself." You're welcome. If you really want to know what I said in those three paragraphs, wait 20 years and check this blog. I'm saving those thoughts for the new diary I'm going to start tonight. Journaling is fun. Gotta go!

We Went Swimming - July 7, 1993

Day: Wednesday  Date: 7-7-93 

Hello. Today at the Boys and Girls Club we went swimming. Gerald made the people who didn't swim read some big boring books. This morning Gerald and me just drove around. I changed gears. It was fun. I hope he takes me someplace tomorrow. We're going skating tomorrow. Tonight's meeting was at Tom's house then to ours. We fired Veronica and we're giving Patricia a notice that she needs to pay some dues. My arm is hurting! BYE!
C-YA!

Audra S
age 11 10 months
22 days


10:56.14
going in 7th grade
at Bridger Jr. High school.

The car Gerald and I drove around in was his girlfriend's white Dodge Neon. Prior to my outings with Gerald, I didn't have much exposure to a manual transmission, so changing gears was a big deal. Gerald was such a good teacher. Not only was he teaching me to drive a stick at age 12, he made me read a big boring book while I did not to swim. We swam at the indoor pool at Bridger, my future junior high school. The smell of chlorine was overwhelming, so I spent as much time as possible standing by the vending machines in a hall that was outside of the pool area.

We took our Chucky's World Club seriously. Firing people and demanding dues be paid? This was a business venture, people. Not fun and games.

I love this song even though I don't love swimming.

I Got A Hash Brown - July 6, 1993

Day: Tuesday  Date: 7-6-93

Hello. Today Gerald took me to McDonalds. I got a hash brown. It's raining right now (10:32 PM). We went bowling today with the club. Even though I suck at bowling I had a good time. We had our first Chucky's Club meeting today. I'm the treasurer. Robbie's the president, Charles is the secretary and president's assistant, Tom and Patty are vice presidents and Kerry and Veronica are errand runners and advertisers. Tomorrow we're supposed to have another meeting but I don't know where!! Tomorrow at the club we're going swimming wich I am not. 
Audios!

Audra S age 11 10 months 23 days
going into 7th grade 
Bridger Jr. High school
10:41.28
[I drew a weird face at the bottom with a speech bubble that says "C-YA!"]

There's some more preferential treatment. Instead of eating the breakfast served at the Boys and Girls Club, Gerald took me to McDonald's. Why? Because of my sparkling personality, duh. Actually, I don't really know. He was in his 20s and (I assume) on a career path to manage a community center such as the Boys and Girls Club. I was almost 12, going into 7th grade. We became best buds for some reason. He brought his Super Nintendo to the club so we could play Mario Kart. This is how I earned the nickname, "Toad." I would always race as that character.

Toad, Princess, Luigi, Mario

Here's the card Gerald made for me at the end of the summer. Note the lovely clip art and the dot matrix printing. I wonder if I wrote Gerald a thank you note? If so, do you think he still has it? Gerald, if perchance you read this, let me know.

Front and inside.

Looks like Chucky's Club is fully staffed--including advertisers. I'm 100% certain we never bought ad space in any publication. Perhaps we drew some signs or printed flyers and stuck them to telephone poles. I'm also 100% certain we never sold ad space in our comics to local businesses. Perhaps we told some unassuming kid in the neighborhood we would incorporate his or her likeness into the comic for a low fee of $5.00. 

The 4th Of July Was Stupid - July 5, 1993

Day: Monday  Date: 7-5-93

Damn! I haven't written in you in a long time. Alot's happend since then. I won the 400 meter in the track meet. School's out. I'm going to the Boys and Girl club for the summer. I've had strep throat too. We Saw Jurassic Park today. It was cool! [my youngest cousin] went with us too because she spent last night with us. They moved the basket ball court up to the old tennis court. Robbie, Tom, Patty, Charles, Kerry and me are in a club. It's called Chucky's World club. Robbie draws these comics and we sell them. It's a cool club and I'm not going to get into detail though. Gerald a guy at the Boys and Girls club takes me to Town and Country to play video games. I hope he takes me tomorrow.

The 4th of July was stupid. We sat in the grass watching fire works for 15 min. cause thats how long the show display was. The show display was worthless to top it all off it rained! Oh yea! [my oldest cousin] had her baby. It's a boy. [first name] [middle name] [last name]. He's adorable. But he cries all the time it makes me sick. I'm gonna stop. Bye! 

Audra
S
age 11            11:01.47
going into
7th grade
[and then I drew a weird face on the bottom of the page]

I found a stack of the comics Robbie drew. Guess we didn't sell that many. Haha. Forgive me for not scanning them in, but I don't want to track Robbie down to get his permission. Chucky was a mouse. He did stuff. The end.

I loved Gerald from the Boy's and Girl's Club. I can't lie; I enjoyed the preferential treatment. Who wouldn't want to hang out at a gas station (Town and Country) at 7:30 a.m. and play arcade games with an adult when the alternative is being stuck at the club doing boring stuff with your peers?  Grown ups can drive. And bankroll your fun. And are generally more interesting than 11-year-olds. That's how I saw it.

I was pretty critical of that 4th of July show display. It must have really sucked. Or maybe I was just starting to realize that if you've seen one fireworks show display, you've seen them all.

My cousin had her baby the same night I was supposed to see "Benny and Joon." I think we got a call about her going into labor right as we were leaving the house which made us late to the movie. I was pissed. Thank god we eventually got the movie on VHS, enabling me to finally see the first fifteen minutes that this child's birth forced me to miss. But don't worry [first name] [middle name] [last name]. I always have and always will love you, even though your infant cries sickened me.

Speaking of movies...

We're Having A Popcorn Party - May 26, 1993

Day: Wed.  Date: 5/26/93

Tomorrow we're having a popcorn party. I'm bringing nerds. Mrs. Gym Teacher says she got the ribbons from the track meet but she don't know who gets what. I don't got much to say. Bye. 

Audra 
S
age 11
6th grade

Yum. Nerds. Apparently this end-of-the-year party was a pot luck of sorts. I hope somebody else brought Skittles.

My terrible grammar is starting to annoy me (e.g. she don't know who, I don't got much, see if they was pregnant). I didn't write like this in 5th grade. What happened? Did **** talk like this? Was I trying to show that we had poor grammar in common? The entries in the Snoopy diary from 6th grade are typically longer (current entry excepted), but apparently I became lazier with my spelling and grammar. You're such a disappointment, little Audra.

I ♥ **** AND I hate $$$$ - 5/25/93

I thought this was a new entry, but upon closer inspection, realized it was a continuation of yesterday's.

On one page I wrote this:

Day: Tuesday  Date: 5/25/93

I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****  
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****  
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****  
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****  
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ ****  
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 
I  ♥ ****   I ♥ **** 

Fifteen lines. In the first column, **** = [first name] [last name]. The second column was [first name] [last initial] and there was a line drawn between the columns.

On the next page I wrote this:

Day: Tuesday  Date: 5/25/93

I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!
I hate $$$$!

Fifteen lines. $$$$ = [first name] [last name]. I hated him so much I included an exclamation point.

Is this what crazy looks like?

Me in 6th grade.

We Had Our Safety Patrol Party - May 25, 1993

Day: Tuesday  Date: 5/25/93

Today we had our safety patrol party. It was ok. You know what? I can't believe I'm saying this but I still like ****. I know, I know the [girl a] thing. I don't believe it. Oh ya. Everybody says that Matt and me took first place in the 400 meter single. I can believe it. Today $$$$ made me so mad! I could've killed him. I need to bring a dollar to school because we're getting [a girl in my class who is moving away] something. I didn't have much to say. Audieose amigo!

Audra
S
age 11
6th grade

What a creative way to spell "adios." I like it. Audieose.

And...we're back to ****. I can't believe she's saying it either. Girl, you need to get over this dude. Focus on your track meet success and maybe realize you secretly like $$$$ even though you claim to hate him.

Safety patrol was fun. I think. Who wouldn't want to wear an orange hard hat and an over-the-shoulder belt thing--with a badge!--while ensuring kids get on and off the buses in an orderly fashion? I believe cross walk/stop sign duty rotated among the safety patrol kids. Or maybe you had to audition for it? I don't remember. But I believe it was an extra special honor. Here I am at the beginning of the year, modeling my uniform.

Nice shorts.

They Got Tested To See If They Was Pregnant - May 24, 1993

Day: Monday  Date: 5/24/93

Today we had our track meet. I came in first in my heat. I don't know how I did overall. Matt and I kicked ass. On the first turn both of us got the lead and kept it! I think they're gonna tell us the results at lunch tomorrow. Oh yea, I saw Greg (whatever his last name is) and [a girl who used to go to our school a couple years ago] at the track meet today. I can't beleive that [girl a] and [girl b] got tested to see if they was pregnant. Well I'm stopping!

See ya!
Audra S
age 11

It was between the track meet and the pregnancy tests for the title of this post. Sorry, track meet, but pregnancy tests will win every time. However, I'll speak to the track meet first.

I loved pretty much all sports as a kid, but I especially enjoyed running. Running as fast as you could and leaving everybody in your dust was such a great feeling. It's an individual effort, and that had great appeal to me. Most kids hated having to run the mile in gym class, but I loved it. We had to drop poker chips in a bucket to keep track of how many laps we did around the playground. This track meet was held at an actual track, so, no poker chips. Real lanes!

Ok, pregnancy test time. It's really hard to believe that this was actually happening in SIXTH GRADE! The thought of little kids having sex is...frightening and sad. I'm so thankful I didn't do that.  I am, however, disappointed in my poor grammar.

You shouldn't be worrying about this in 6th grade.

Let's try for a personal best today!

I Shaved My Legs Tonight - May 23, 1993

Day: Sunday  Date: 5/23/93

We launched rockets on Friday. It was fun. My Tornado was the first successful Tornado launch that day. ****, [a boy], [girl 1], and [girl 2] all skipped school. They got caught though. They stayed at [girl 2]'s creek behind her house and her mom saw them. I bet they'll get in alot of trouble. Tomorrow is the track meet. I hope it don't get canceled cauce if it does we won't have it re scheduled. Guess what I shaved my legs tonight. It felt so good to get all that hair off!! Oh yeah I got a new watch. That's pretty much all I have to say.
BYE!

Audra S
age 11
I ♥ ****

Launching rockets was fun. We launched rockets when I was in 4th grade, too. It was a joint effort with the 6th grade. The launch made the paper that year. My brother is in this picture. He's next to the kid pointing to the sky. Most of the girls in the front row were in my grade. In fact, one of those girls is girl 2! OMG!

1991

In retrospect, it's a good thing that I didn't get too involved with ****. I was better off obsessing from afar. I liked school. Why would I want to skip it?

I remember the drama surrounding the first time I shaved my legs. I had to beg and plead and cry for my mom to give in. She told me once I started, I couldn't stop, and that I would be annoyed by it. Boy, was she right. But in the end, my argument about being more aerodynamic for the track meet prevailed over a mother's wisdom. I was very self conscious about the amount of hair on my arms and legs. Still am, though to a lesser degree. I could not WAIT to shave my legs. My mom forbade me to shave my arms. (Thank you for that.) She bought me a Gillette Sensor Excel razor for women--the kind with the big grip--so my inexperienced hands could guide the razor without cutting myself too badly. Guess who saved her first razor blade cartridge? Clearly it was a significant milestone in my short life.

Front and back.

I ♥ **** - May 20, 1993

That's all I had to say that day.

The Presidental Accedemic Fittnes Award Was Stupid - May 20, 1993

Day: Thursday  Date: 5/20/93

Damn! I haven't wrote in a long time alot has happened. We are launching rockets tomorrow. I wish **** would go with me! We went to Chrisman for the Presidental accedemic Fittnes award. It was stupid! I got new shoes. 3 pairs. A pair of Nike Air Air Raids, a pair of Nike Air Cross Trainers to grow into, and a pair of stupid looking Reeboks to play in the mud. Today we went to Bridger and ate lunch. When we got back to Benton, we stayed in the other 6th grade classes. We played Science Trivia. 3 people had to give up their chairs for Kari, Tiffani, and me. I wanted ****'s chair but Kari got his, Tiffani got Jenny B's, and I got Robbie's. Cool. I'm gonna stop.

BYE!!

Audra S
age 11
6th grade

You might notice that I included some names. This was such an innocuous entry, so why not?

Chrisman, aka William Chrisman, was my future high school. I spelled three of the four words wrong in Presidential Academic Fitness Award. Then again, I thought it was stupid, so why shouldn't I be stupid?

Keep your stupid eyes on the stupid prize.

Shoes, shoes, shoes. I was into shoes. But only athletic shoes. None of those girly shoes. I still prefer a sneaker to a heel any day.

Bridger was my future junior high school. I remember the lunch trip. I was so excited to learn I'd be able to buy nachos and frozen snickers bars every day for lunch. Junior high was going to be soooo awesome! Or so I thought...

I think this was the day that I got into a heated argument with $$$$ about Beavis and Butthead. He didn't believe I had ever watched the show. But I had. And we argued about it. This might have happened on some other day, but reading about science trivia and sitting in Robbie's chair makes me think this was it. Oh, the things we remember.

Hey I'm Actually Sleepy! - May 7, 1993

Day: Friday  Date: 5/7/93

Man! It's already 11:17 PM! Well, I think I'm going to ask **** if he likes me. If he says no then I won't ask him to go with me. If he says yes, well I need to ask him to go with me. I wish I could take him to World's of Fun. But he'll probably say he likes me as a friend. Hey I'm actually sleepy!

Audra S
6th grade
age 11

Man! I took one semester of computer programming in college so I thought I'd translate my thought process in pseudocode:

Ask **** if he likes me
   IF **** says no THEN
      don't ask him to go with me
   ELSE
      ask him to go with me


This flowchart is mildly amusing.

I Used My Super Soaker Today - May 6, 1993

Day: Thurs  Date: 5/6/93

I used my super soaker today. [A boy who lived up the hill], ____, ____, ____ & ____ (or [her twin]?) used it today. I think **** is coming over here to [the boy who lived up the hill]'s house or [the boy who lived up the hill]'s going to ****'s house. I'm going to stop. Bye!

Audra S
age 11 6th grade

An entry about 1) playing with a water gun and 2) trying to keep track of who's going to whose house. Wake me up when this diary gets interesting again.

All those blanks represent kids of various ages that lived in my neighborhood. We played a lot of games together. Hide and seek, baseball, water gun fights, wall ball, etc. Do you remember a game called ScramBall? I loved that game. My mom threw it away after I left for college. I was sad when I found out, but it was in pretty bad shape, so I harbor no ill will. If anyone comes across a ScramBall set at a thrift store or yard sale, please buy it for me. I will pay you back.

There used to be a commercial for the game on YouTube, but I couldn't find it in the three minutes I was willing to spend looking today. Instead, please take a few moments to familiarize yourself with the instructions I retrieved from the Hasbro website.

Arm It!

Win It!

I Got A Super Soaker M.D.S. Tonight - May 5, 1993

Day: Wednesday  Date: 5/5/93

Hi! [That girl I wrote a horrible letter to] seems to really want to be my friend. Last night we went to the 90 years of Pride Celebration for T.H. Benton. I ♥ ****. Tomorrow morning I have to run the 400 meter. My leg hurts. Mom says I've pulled a muscle. I got a Super Soaker M.D.S. tonight. I don't know what I'm going to do for Mother's day. I might ask [a girl in my class] to ask **** if he would go with me. I can't wait till we go to Worlds of Fun! It's 10:30! I better go to bed! Bye!! 

Audra S

age 11

6th grade

Oh yeah! I loved that Super Soaker Multidirectional Spray (mds). You could twist a thing on the front so that it would spray to the side. The idea was you could trick your enemies into thinking you were going to shoot somebody in front of you when really you were going to shoot them as they tried to sneak up on the side. We had a lot of water gun wars in my neighborhood. My brother and I amassed quite an arsenal in our basement. One of our friends had that giant Super Soaker with the backpack water canisters. The spray felt like a fire hose. It was so heavy and awkward to use, though. I much preferred the smaller, lighter super soakers even if it meant I needed to refill more often. And of course we had buckets filled with those water balloons that looked like grenades. I was never effective with those. Inevitably, somebody would just start dumping buckets of water on people or spraying a garden hose.

My new weapon.

My favorite. Had a couple.

The most ridiculous water gun of my generation.

Water balloon grenades.

Cheater.

I Hope I Become Famous - May 3, 1993

Day: Tuesday  Date: 5/3/93 

Hi we got a new seating arrangement in Social Studies. I sit by [a boy in my class]. [That girl I wrote a horrible letter to] still likes me after what I wrote. Kevin is so adorable! I just want to hug him! You know how [a girl in my class] kept saiing that me and **** should go back out, well I was thinking mabey that if she said that again I'd say "why don't you ask him out for me!" Whatever I'm doing for my birthday, [that girl I wrote a horrible letter to] ain't invited! [The coauthor of the horrible letter] is though. I'm going to be a greeter for the 90 years of pride celebration. We got this invitation to the 6th grade achievment awards. I asked [a different girl in my class] & [yet another girl in my class] if they got one. They can't no I hope I become famous. I'll give all my belongings to my kids & grand kids. Gotta go! Bye! 

Audra S age = 11 6th grade

Hahaha...I'm laughing really hard right now. They can't know I hope I become famous? I guess I thought this 6th grade awards thing was the first stop on my road to fame and fortune.

Not given to me at the 6th grade achievement awards.

A Bunch Of People Got Sick - May 2, 1993

Day: Sunday  Date: 5/2/93 

Hi! I have alot to write about. For one thing we went to St. Louis for a field trip. It was fun. The bad part was coming home. A bunch of people got sick. Sick as in puke sick. **** didn't get to go. I was kind of sad. ****, [****'s friend], and [another of ****'s friends] came over to beat up $$$$. I would have been real happy if they beat him up. They didn't because he wasn't home. They played basketball and I watched them. I wish **** could have been in my class instead of $$$$. Maybe next year I'll have him in some of my classes. Me and [a neighbor girl] wrote a horrible letter to [another neighbor girl]. It was helarious! She got real pissed. What I can't understand is that she still likes me for a friend. Kevin didn't like me for a day but he got over it. Today we saw The Body Guard. It was good. Well I got to go. Bye! 

I ♥ **** 

Audra S age 11 6th grade

I wonder why **** didn't get to go. Perhaps because he got in trouble? Anyway, we had to sell a lot of M&Ms to go to St. Louis. We went to the science museum. I remember that bus ride home. They quarantined all the sick kids in the front of the bus. There were maybe eight of us in the back who weren't sick. We looked at Garbage Pail Kids stickers for a long time and talked about religion, politics and our ambitions. Okay, only the Garbage Pail Kids thing is true.

It looks like I'm back to hating $$$$ if I would have been happy if they beat him up. This entry is eerily similar to a previous one. Poor $$$$. He was the one in the headlock. Twice.

I feel bad for writing that mean letter to that girl. I honestly don't remember why I did it. The only thing I can think of is maybe I was mad at her for treating me differently since she was in junior high and I was still at the elementary. Not sure, though.

I've been randomly singing this song since May 2, 1993. My husband pretends to be irritated when I belt it out at the top of my lungs on the way to the grocery store. I know deep down he loves it.

Ten Things I Like About Him - April 11, 1993

Day: April 11, 1993.  Date: Sunday 

Today is Easter. We went to church today. It was boring. I wish that **** would ask me out. I could ask [one of ****'s friends who allegedly wanted to go with me in 4th grade] to ask him. Kevin is cute. Cute like adorable. I'm hungry 

I really really really like ****. He's gorgeous! I Love him. I want to go on a date or go to a movie. I'll name ten things I like about him. 1. hes a heart throb. 2. He's sweet 3. he's considerate 4. he's clean 5. he makes my heart beat super fast. 6. he's athletic 7. He smells good. 8. He wears good clothes 9. He's not sexis 10. we have things in common. Well I wrote all this about ****! SEE YA! 

Audra S age 11 6th grade

This is by far the most amusing list of things I like about ****. If you'd like to compare previous lists, here they are for easy access:

• 15 good things about him
• The day he asked me out

A clean, considerate heart throb who smells good and isn't sexist. Who could ask for anything more?

I hope somebody makes this movie.

I'm Going To List All My Favorites - April 8, 1993

Day: April 8, 1993  Date: Thurs. 

Hi! I wish **** would ask me out. I would ask him if I had the chance. Well yesterday the fifth grade went down to the Boys and Girls Club for half a day and we had fun in P.E. and our classroom. We're at grandma's tonight, tomorrow and then Monday. We brought our eggs over and we're going to play "Find the Easter Eggs." I'm going to list all my favorites. My fav. group: Arrested Development. Fav food: McDonalds french fries. Fave boy (I'd like to go with) ****. Fave teacher: Mr. Ruskey. Fave brand of shoe: Nike Air. Fave T.V. show: (tie) Home Improvement, Martin, Simpsons, In Living Color, Rosanne, Saturday Night Live. Fave shoe store: Foot Locker. Fave toy: Sega Genises. Fave article of clothing: Levis 550 loose fitting jeans or all my jean shorts. Fave possession: pillow. Best friends: ____, ____, ____. Fave. Little people: Kevin, Shondee. Fave color: any shade of blue. fave color of socks: white. fave candy: hard gummy bears & skittles. Fave sport: track. Fave game (sega genisis) Sonic the Hedghog. Fave game (board game type) don't have a cow. Fave game (computer) Logo. Fave game (at boys club) pool and foose ball. Gotta go! I wish **** would ask me out! 

Audra S age 11 6th grade

I started and ended this entry with the same sentence? Impressive.

In case you don't remember, I was in a split class in 6th grade. About ten 6th graders and fourteen 5th graders. Sounds like the 6th graders had a blast without the 5th graders that day. Kind of like how you feel when your parent does something with just you--no siblings allowed.

Find the Easter Eggs was a favorite family pastime. Sometimes we hid them so well we could only find them days later when something started to smell.

Another list. How wonderful. Still love Saturday Night Live. Still love hard gummy bears. Still love jeans, though not Levis 550s. Haven't worn jean shorts in a long time, but you can see me wearing some in the summer of 1992 here.

Kevin and Shondee weren't Little People, but little people--as in little kids. Kevin was a kid who lived in my neighborhood and Shondee was, and still is, my cousin.

Do you remember Don't Have a Cow? It was a Simpsons dice game with a gambling element. In other words, my fave game (board game type).

I Want To Grow Old Together - March 24, 1993

Day: Wednesday  Date: 3/24/93 

Howdy Ho! I've noticed that since [a boy in ****'s class] has been friends with ****, **** hasn't been so popular. I don't care if he was popular or not I'd still go with him that is if he'd ask. I wish I had an i.d. bracelet that way if **** and me was going out we could give each other a bracelets. That'll probably never happen though. I hope he does ask me out this year. I wish I we had some project to do together at our homes. That way we could ask each other out and kiss. It'd be cool! I love him! I want to grow old together. Even if we didn't have a project to do I wish we were alone for about 15 minutes. I don't got enough courage to ask him. I don't want to be rejected. I want to hold his and touch his lips with mine.  

Audra S age 11 6th grade

Watch out. This one is borderline PG-13! Isn't it great that our growing old together starts with us having to do a homework assignment together? I hope I was trying to say that I wanted to hold his hand and not something else. But a lot can happen in 15 minutes...

Do you recall the earlier entry that mentioned those bracelets? **** had two! And I had none. What a shame.

I may be chicken shit (not enough courage to ask him out) but at least I can admit why (not wanting to be rejected).

And then we grew old together.

Guess What? Chicken Butt! - March 23, 1993

Day: 3/23/93  Date: Tuesday 

Hi! Guess what? Chicken Butt! Ha Ha! [a 6th grade girl in my class] got some new shoes. They're Nike Air Cross Trainers. I'm still hung up on ****. My heart just pounds when I'm around him! I wish he would ask me out this year. I love him! I know it's not just a crush either. I'll bet anything he's already going out with someone though. If we did go together, I would kiss him this time. I want to get married to him. I think he's more than cute. More than handsome. He's gorgeus! I won't get my hopes up too high. He probably won't ask me. I'll be heart broken though. The only girls I know he's gone out with is: [a girl in my 5th grade class] (too many times!) [the girl who got new shoes] (I don't know why!) and me (I wish I knew if he just used me to get [the girl in my 5th grade class] jealous?) We went to the Kansas City Museum today for the Nasa Exhibit. I hate [a girl in my grade, but not in my class]. She's a bitch to me now. She'll come up to me and say "shut up ugly!" I want to kick her in her ass! I love ***! I ♥ ****! [picture of an eye] ♥ ****! ** + A.S.= ♥! <--(i wish!) 

Audra S age 11 6th grade

Great opening line. As you can see, I've always thought I was a brilliant comedian.

Oh lord. It's happening again. I'm obsessing about ****. What happened to $$$$? Why can't I obsess about $$$$ for at least one entry?! By the way, "gorgeus" was double underlined.

It's good that I never tried to physically kick that bitch in her ass, because I'm sure she would have killed me. On second thought, I would have lived because it would have been a kick and run. I was fast. She wasn't. I think some of the other insults she threw at me were "Ape" (because of my long, hairy arms) and "E.T." (because of my long, skinny fingers). Not sure what I ever did to her. Probably just, you know, existed. Assholes are assholes.

Glad that bitch never did this to me:

I Haven't Written In You In A Long Time - March 2, 1993

Back to the diary entries. Take it away, little Audge:

Day: March 2, 1993  Date: Tues.

Man! I haven't written in you in a long time! God. I don't know where to begin. Well, I'm in 6th grade. We switch classes but not exactly like Jr. High. I haven't gone out with anyone yet. What else is new Huh!? I want to go with **** again. Or $$$$. This morning $$$$ rode our bus to school and on the way home **** rode our bus. I wish one of them would ask me out. I'm in a combonation class of 5th and 6th graders. Here are the names of them 6th grade - $$$$, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, me, & ____. 5th grade - ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____, ____. I think that's it. I have the feeling **** likes me again this year but I'm not sure. He smiles at me alot but he could be doing it at someone else. I hope not. [A boy who's not in my class but in my grade] told me he wanted to go out with me in 4th grade but I didn't get the note he said he put in my desk. It has snowed alot. But it's starting to melt now. I got Nike Air Cross Trainers shoes. They're pretty cool but I need a new pair soon. The 6th graders get to go to St. Louis for a field trip. It'll be fun but I need to get a new walkman. And a game boy or game gear. In Disney Adventures theirs a thing that your class could be picked to say what's in and what's out. We asked Mrs. Teacher she said she'd talk about it with us. But she forgot today. I hope she'll let us and hope we're picked. Well I can't think of anything left to say.  

Audra S age 11  

6th grade

When I wrote this originally, I never thought I'd slap it on the Internet. Otherwise, I would have skipped the part where I list every kid in my class by first and last name.

Okay, so I have two love targets this year: **** and $$$$. This could get interesting. For your information, I wrote some mean things about $$$$ last year. I guess love disguised as hate. Haha. I also like how I included the bit about some other boy who allegedly wanted to go with me in the 4th grade. See, world? I'm not totally unpopular. Oh yeah, for the remaining diary entries I'm going to try to be more descriptive with the other kids mentioned while still maintaining their anonymity.

I was a materialistic little twit, huh? Shoes, walkmans, handheld video game systems. I grew out of that eventually. By 'eventually' I mean when I went off to college. And probably, more accurately, when I moved to Colorado after graduating college. Hello, student loans. Time to pay you off...

Disney Adventures! One of my favorite magazines as a kid. Look closely and you can see an issue sitting on my desk in the third picture of this blog post. I'm sure it was nothing but marketing propaganda for the Walt Disney company and all its holdings. But who cares?! They put all my favorite TV and movie stars on the covers and had cool contests like the one I wished my class would win. I hate to say, we did not win. In fact, we did not enter.

I loved Star Trek: The Next Generation.

5th Grade Yearbook

I know there are a few of you who have read this blog regularly. Thank you. I appreciate your time and interest. Some of you have asked who **** is and I haven't been very forthcoming. We are now more than halfway through the Snoopy diary and I'm surprised I haven't spilled the beans yet. :) Diary entries will resume tomorrow.

For now, enjoy the cover of my 5th grade yearbook and the pictures of the kids in my class, AKA a bunch of mother fucking assholes. If you really want to figure out who **** is, consider this another clue. Wink.

Front Cover

My class. 

Bridging The Gap - Part 2

Yesterday's post had pictures from July through August 1992. Fall is in the air and school is about to start again. Little Audra is in 6th grade, still at Thomas Hart Benton elementary school. The next entry in the Snoopy diary is dated March 2, 1993. The photo album I've been mining stops at Christmas 1992, and so does this blog post.

Halloween 1992. We had accumulated some random masks over the years, including this granny one. The other elements of my costume were found around the house.

Granny mask + house coat + bandana + cowboy hat+ umbrella-serving-as-cane = best costume ever!

Going trick or treating with my cousin, chaperoned by my uncle.

In the top photo I am clutching my back as if I am in pain. Because that was part of my character. Duh. But my favorite part of my costume, best seen in the second photo, is how I chose to wear my glasses on the outside of the mask. Haha. FYI...my uncle is a very talented pumpkin carver.

November 1992.

Hooray for grassy, leafy November snow!

Standing on top of a crate demonstrating my awesome Nerf Master Blaster skills.

My one and only orchestra concert. I'm not sure when this took place, as none of the photos were dated, but the garland and bows scream Christmastime.

Faking it.

I didn't stay in orchestra very long (only a few of months) because I strongly disliked the teacher, but I think I also quit because a lot of the other kids quit. Peer pressure or whatever. Dumb move. My violin didn't have the fine tuners at the bridge, and it was very difficult for me to tune it properly using the pegs, so my teacher said he would tune it. However, he mistuned it. There was a lot of chaos before the concert and I guess he wasn't paying attention when he had my violin. This became apparent immediately into the first song and I decided rather than sounding like an idiot who can't play her her instrument, I would be better off not playing. So I mimed it. I never forgave that teacher for such a humiliating moment. Instead, I quit.

Christmas 1992. 

Opening gifts. 

I was totally surprised.

I had been bugging my mom about getting my own CD player for a long time. She was in control of the stereo in the living room that had a CD player and wouldn't let us play our music as often as we would have liked. In the top picture I'm showing off my swag which included a book or calendar of antique maps, the Annie Lenox "Diva" CD, a Troll jigsaw puzzle and some MadLibs. I remember thinking "gee, thanks for the CD, mom, but you'll never let me listen to it." and then bam! She shocks me with the most unexpected Christmas present ever: a CD boombox. I was truly surprised, which didn't happen very often, because I always made it my mission to figure out what our mom was getting us. My record would never be perfect. Good one, mom! 

Bridging The Gap - Part 1

The last diary entry I posted on the blog is dated July 11, 1992. Little Audra didn't write again until March 2, 1993. Eight months of life not documented in the Snoopy diary. I know you're crushed. Here are some photos to help bridge the gap.

July 1992. We return to Kansas City after visiting our father in Phoenix for a few weeks.

Our arrival at the KC airport.

Our "Welcome Home" cake.

Some "Welcome Home" goodies on my bed.

Apparently my brother and I coordinated outfits so we wouldn't lose each other on the plane or in the airport. Ha. I don't think that's true, but I do think it's funny that we match. Too bad he wasn't into jean shorts like I was. Please take as much time as you need to digest all the glory of my childhood bedroom.

August 1992. Transitioning back to regular life and hanging out with my extended family.

Having way too much fun at our grandma's house.

We sang our hearts out. With only one microphone.

Slumber party with the cousins. Sweet 90210 nightgown.

My birthday at the end of August 1992. I turned 11. Sadly, I didn't invite any boys.

Some of my guests.

Simpsons candles!

The Worlds of Fun birthday crew.

I remember the two friends I invited (girl standing next to me and girl squatting in front) didn't get along very well. It kind of made the night not so much fun for me, which partly explains my facial expression.

The diary entries will resume shortly...