Blank Is A Boy Who Farts To Much - January 14, 1992

This is the second installment of the Harriet the Spy-influenced journal entries. It's a two-page entry and on the first page I simply list everyone in my 5th grade class and say something about them. I blanked out the names even though only a handful of people in the world will read this. One can never be too cautious when trying to avoid an ass kicking.

Jan. 14, 1992


Today I noticed that ____ laughs alot.
____ is the most ugliest creature on earth!
____'s head looks like an egg!
____ is a pig!
____ is a lying snob!
____ is a grodey person!
____ is a tattletale
____ is a baby and talks like a geek!
I am perfect in everyway! (Audra)
____ is a poor sport!
____ is a moehog
____ is a not so smart person!
____ is a monkey! but I think he's cute
____ is a nerveracking child! and a cheater!
____ is a little fat!
____ is a pretty nice boy!
____ is sort of stupid!
____ is a boy with problems!
____ is a boy who farts to much!
____ is quiet!
____ is funny in a way

Wow. Didn't I say yesterday that I had a lot of friends in my class? Liar! I count five statements that are neutral or positive and one of those is about myself. I had bad things to say about 75% of my class.  Some friend.

I like how in teeny tiny letters I wrote "but I think he's cute" next to "Blank is a monkey." Why didn't I just write "Blank is cute!"? Hmm...

Maybe I wasn't writing down my personal opinions. Maybe a higher power used me as a vessel to document these disturbing truths about a group of 5th graders in Independence, MO in 1992. This higher power wanted us to remember that Blank is a grody person, Blank has problems, and that Blank farts too much. We shall never forget!

I don't remember ever using the word "moehog," but it must be an insult. An insult FROM THE FUTURE... What the heck are Neopets?!

The second page continues with less insulting observations, in paragraph form.

____ is a brat at times. ____ is a baby and spits when he talks. ____ is fine as far as I know. Mrs. Teacher talks with a funny sound sometimes. Mrs. Teacher laughs funny. Mr. Principal can't draw diagrams very good. Charles is a very big baby. He won't even take his shower first! Charles did though. I'm wearing my clothes for tomorrow. It's my 90210 shirt with another shirt under it jeans and socks. Going back to Charles, he is glued to the tv all day almost. He's turning into a couch potato! Now lets talk about Mrs. Teacher. She's pretty smart and stuff like that. I think Mrs. ____ the secretary is a bitch! Charles tears his nails off and lies about it. Today we got a computer in our class room. I want a computer in my own room. I like Mrs. Teachers car. We have chamileons in our class room. The sixth grade has rats and a maze for it to go through. I can't wait till 6th grade. Today we had the grosest food on earth. The cafeteria never has good food like I said before. My mom is weird in some ways.

Tip to principals: make sure you can draw diagrams real good. Otherwise, kids won't respect you.
Tip to school secretaries: don't be bitches. That's good advice for anyone.
Tip to kids who spit when they talk: don't do that. It's gross.

Good lord. I wore TWO shirts to bed?! Was I really too lazy to put the outer 90210 shirt on in the morning? Let's be charitable and say it was extremely cold that night. Anyway, those jeans better have been tight rolled.